In an attempt to repay a tiny amount of the kindness shown to me when I needed it, I took her two exceptional children for the day so that she could sleep.
While I'm sorry that she doesn't feel well, I must confess that I'm delighted to have a chance to have some extra little ones around. I got out the high chair and the pack-and-play and the Baby Bjorn. We pulled out the rattles and rubber blocks. Every room of our house is littered with dolls and markers and toys of every kind. It's very colorful.
All afternoon, the girls have been playing together beautifully. I got to feed the baby a bottle and rock him to sleep in my arms. And it just about broke my heart when I snuck back upstairs and saw two doors closed, each one keeping quiet a room for a sleeping boy.
As I type this, there are squeals of laughter from the three older kids in the playroom -punctuated by an occasional argument - and there is a delicious squawking noise coming from the baby as he crawls around and drools on the floor. I wish that they could stay forever. And as Scott pointed out, if their parents were true friends, they would allow it. After all, he argued, "they can always make more and we can't."
So, I ask you: why did God feel that it was okay to take away my ovaries? I'm really good at being a mother. I could have done it a few more times, quite happily.
No fair.
8 comments:
Hey, I feel your pain.
I think you should get a pet. Then, the closed door could be "sleeping Liz" and the squealing in the other room would be from Scott's ankles getting licked, and the colorful toys would be squeaky balls and various stuffed animals with missing faces.
I keep thinking that this is pretty good for now, but it's just not the same, is it?
There is a saying I like for a birthday greeting.
"Remember, it is not the number of breaths we take, but the number of things that take our breath away...
And so for children, it is not how many people we take to the park, or rock to sleep, or create special snacks for, or build towers with, or read to sleep, or rock to sleep, or fret over, or watch run off to join their friends, it is the number of times perhaps we do any of those things with the people we love, the ones God entrusted to our care out of that abundant love that knows no bounds.
Laila and Owen are the ones God gave to you. And I am
so glad God did. I am glad for you, for Scott, for Laila and for Owen.
Love,
Nona
I love you, Liz. A lot.
Your first mistake was having nice, well behaved children come hang out at your house. I'll send mine over right away.
:)
This really is heart breaking to read. Grief is crappy (and sometimes consuming). I'm so sorry your ovaries are gone. But in exchange for your ovaries, you're going to get to be a loving mom, (and eventually an auntie and grandma) for a very long time. You've made good choices for the wonderful children you have - and there's no better mom than that.
Feeling sad (and everything else) seems natural - but try and remember you should also be proud of the wonderful mom you already are.
XOXOXO,
A
God is still God, and that is hard to remember sometimes. Everything that happens, God allows, and is a part of His plan. There are some things that we will never understand this side of Heaven.
Your mom said it very well.
Nona always makes me cry at work.
I love you, Liz. I can't think of anything else helpful to say.
I feel the same, only I don't even have children and I can't even meet anyone amazing enough to have children with. enjoy your lovely family! and if your good but selfish friends won't let you keep their children, well, you and Scott would be the perfect couple to adopt a couple babies who would not have another chance to have an amazing family such as yours! love to you all!
Liz:
I know this is an older post, but it struck a chord with me and so I wanted to say, I am sorry your momma-heart is grieving. You have so much to wrestle with and reconcile with in this post-surgery season...
I must tell you that although my two little ones did not come to me "conventionally", they are without a doubt the greatest gifts God has entrusted to me. He has a way of making families wherever there are willing hearts.... For you, it may be two, or He may have great surprises in store for you.
He sure surprised us and I am GRATEFUL beyond measure. Give Him all your grief and all of your hopes, even those that seem dashed. He has an amazing way of either making peace or making possibilities!
If you ever want to "borrow" our two little Haitian sensations, just say the word! I am certain Laila and Nadia would be fast BBFs and Baby Givenson would give you a nice cuddly baby fix ;0 )
Love and Peace and HOPE to you today...
Rachel (Sturm) Thimjon
www.haitisgivenson.blogspot.com
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