Have You Seen Any Good Movies Lately?

Why, yes, I have. Thank you for asking.

As a matter of fact, I have seen SO many, that I can't remember all of them. But, here is a partial list from the last two months.

• The Blind Side
• An Education
• Shrek
• Snow White
• The Boy in the Striped Pajamas
• The Cutting Edge
• Girl Interrupted
• Little Miss Sunshine
• The Invention of Lying
• Father of the Bride
• Empire Records
• Enchanted
• Mulan
• The Little Mermaid: Ariel's Beginning
• Waking Ned Devine
• Shall We Dance
• Brian Reagan, Standing Up
• Sweet November
• I Love You, Man
• Couples Retreat
• Encino Man
• Keeping the Faith
• Stranger Than Fiction
• Personal Effects
• Did You Hear About the Morgans?
• Bride Wars
• Grey Gardens
• Pheobe in Wonderland
• Up
• Love Actually
• Capote
• Michael Clayton
• The Twilight Saga: New Moon
• The Talented Mr. Ripley
• 21
• The Time Traveler's Wife
• Up in the Air
• Jurassic Park: The Lost World
• Forgetting Sarah Marshall
• Flash of Genius
• Sideways
• Slumdog Millionaire
• The Proposal
• The Good Shepard
• Baby Boom
• Night at the Museum 2
• Funny People
• The Break-Up
• Reign Over Me
• Dreamgirls

I've also read some books.

• A Prayer for Owen Meany
• The Gargoyle
• The Zookeeper's Wife
• Little Earthquakes
• The Bitch in the House
• The Help
• Eat This, Not That
• A Family History
• The Island of the Sequined Love Nun
• The Brightest Star in the Sky
• Someone Like You

Maybe I could get a job as a critic. Do they serve snacks to critics? I like snacks.

Excitement of the Day

I am either experiencing an adverse reaction to Bacitracin or the surgery sites are infected.

Either way, there is a lot of redness.

Either way, it appears to be spreading.

Either way, boo.

I would really like ONE day that is free of medical setbacks.

Things I Learned Today

1. The Pap Smear that they did before my hysterectomy came back today. (I have no reason why it took so long.) It showed abnormal cells. I'm not sure what to make of this information, since I already had my cervix removed, but there it is.

2. If your chest looks like it has two blackberries on it, that is bad. If it looks like it has two pieces of beef jerky on it, that is worse.

This is information I learned from my doctor. I thought it might be of general interest.

Be advised.

I'm Self-Medicating

Well, not really "self." Scott just brought me a beer, to try to cheer me up.

I just spoke with my surgeon ... on a Saturday. Things do not look good with the surgery. It's possible that the nipple reconstruction did not take.

What he said was: "Well, that doesn't sound good. But, if the tissue is dying, there is nothing that we can do to correct it. And it isn't the kind of thing that we can do twice. So, we'll just have to see."

So, although I feel kind of weird saying it and I'm a little bit afraid that it may be totally sacrilegious, I'm still going to ask ...

Please pray for my nipples.

I Didn't Run A Marathon

But, I am bleeding through my shirt as though I did.

Gross.

Also, I went to see the surgeon, this morning. He changed my bandages and said that the stitches "look great." Apparently, his idea of "great" is ... mauled by a shark.

I would use a different word.

I Smell Like Iodine

I'm home. The surgery went fine. I'm bandaged up and waterproofed and (thanks to insensate) woefully undermedicated.

Perhaps I should open a bottle of wine.

Slice Day - Again

WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING!

If you are my brother ... or my boss's husband ... or pretty much any male, I would advise you to skip this post.

I am going to go under the knife again, tomorrow.

Did you listen? Pete? Nick? You're not reading this, are you?

Okay, then. I'm having nipple re-construction. Sounds fun, right? In case you didn't know, I don't have any nipples, right now. They had to take them out, in case they harbored any cancerous cells. Apparently, that's the king of thing that nipples are known to do.

Anyway, tomorrow, my plastic surgeon will cut into the newly healed breast tissue to recreate them. Then, in three months, I can go back in and get them tattooed, so that they look a little more normal. He claims that these procedures are not painful. We'll see.

The skin in question has been transported from my back and all of the nerve endings were destroyed. They call this "insensate." If you want to look it up, you will find that my nipples: "have no sensation, consciousness or sense." They are "foolish."

Yes. Well, be that as it may, I'm still not super excited about it. It sounds like they will be molding me like I am made out of Play-doh.

Bored

I'm bored.

I'm bored with being tired and I'm tired of being bored. It seems that the farther out I get from my latest surgery, the more exhausted I become. I suppose it should make sense, since the kids are home and I'm able to do more, but it seems a little uncalled for, if you ask me.

I'm bored of being not 100%. I'm feeling good, good enough that I sometimes stretch a little too far or move a little too quickly. Then, not so good. Also, I'm starting to acquire some new pains, which I suppose is my body's way of reminding me that I'm still an invalid. (Note to body: I hadn't forgotten. Also, I hate you.) My areas of discomfort are as follows:

• Chest - for obvious reasons
• Abdomen - from the hysterectomy
• Belly Button - from the knives :)
• Back - from the first surgery AND new aches as I learn to compensate for the missing muscles
• Right Wrist - from the fluid leak during an IV attempt
• The Fronts of Both Shoulders - from the chest muscles being re-configured
• Left Leg - inexplicably. Perhaps from lack of stretching? Maybe I should try some couch calisthenics as I watch my next movie.

I'm bored of this "no soy" thing, already. I knew that to avoid the phytoestrogens in soy, I was giving up edamame and soy sauce and tofu and soy milk. But, who cares about soy milk? Does anyone even drink that? (And Jamba Juice doesn't count.) Anyway, as it turns out, I didn't really have any grasp of how widely used an ingredient soy is. For example, soy can be found hiding in the following items:

• Barbecue Sauce
• Twizzlers
• Chocolate
• Salad Dressings
• Cereal
• Oatmeal Raisin Cookies
• Pretty Much All Asian Foods
• Bread
• Peanut Butter
• Pancake Mix
• Pasta Sauce
• Chips
• Granola Bars
• Cous Cous
• Delicious Cheese Powder for Popcorn (and that's just unfair, because I use that powder in place of butter.)

Stupid cancer. I'll get you for this.

Silver Linings - A Series on Cancer Optimism

Number Four

All of this pill counting is keeping my math skills fine tuned. Currently, I take seven pills every morning and six each night. Of course, this could change at any point. I like to keep my brain exercised.

Oh, p.s. did you know that if you accidentally misspell "exercised," Spell Check suggests two options: "exercised" and "exorcized?" I choose the former, because I didn't want to expel my brain by prayers, adjurations and religious rites.

As we have learned, there are many parts of my body that are expendable. I don't think that by brain is one of them.

Things I Do Not Like - An Abbreviated List

1. Lying on my right side. The residual fluid makes me feel like I'm lying on a poorly deflated balloon ... or a big lump of silly putty. Either way, gross.
2. Trying to take a nap only to find out that my stupid brain won't shut the hell up!
3. Going to Victoria's Secret THREE TIMES only to discover that the bras they sold me all those times hurt and make enormous red marks all around my torso.
4. Giving up and going to Nordstroms to find bras. Finding them. Listening to the lady tell me that they will probably be covered by insurance. They aren't. Now, I have no bras.
5. Being a patchwork quilt.
6. When they have to go through three people to put in an IV.
7. When the nurses trying to put in my IV ask me if I'm well hydrated. I'm not. You told me not to eat or drink anything after midnight.
8. When the IV that is placed isn't quite far enough into the vein and a huge bubble of saline forms under the skin and later turns into a disgusting yellow bruise.
9. When the IV that was in fails to work and they send in someone in the middle of the night to replace it ... twice.
10. Hourly hospital vital checks.
11. My belly button. It hurts. My mom says I should stop putting knives in there. Im considering it.
12. When I get an itch on my back and go to scratch it only to remember that I can't feel that part of my back and so scratching it feels vaguely similar to rubbing it lightly with a cotton ball.
13. To regain the ability and clearance to lift, only to lose it again one week later.
14. Having this noticed by my darling son who looks at me with his adorably huge eyes and says: "Mommy, could you just carry me one time?"
15. The Subway Five Dollar Footlong commercial. (Really, it doesn't bother me so much, but I thought it would be funny to get it stuck in all of your heads. Was it?)
    five ... five dollar ... five dollar footlong ...
16. Spending the better part of the night rolling from one side to the other for no discernable reason.
17. This new rule about no soy. Oh, did I tell you I can't eat soy? I can't. It contains phytoestrogens, which is similar to estrogen, which can make my cancer happy. Did you know? Me either. Did you know how many foods contain soy? ... all of them.
18. Fatigue. Physically, I feel pretty good. My new incisions are bothersome, but not awful. But, I'm so darn tired. Yesterday, I had to turn down lunch - a real honest to goodness lunch out at a restaurant with normal, non-cancerous people, because I was too exhausted to do anything by noon. Really? TOO TIRED FOR LUNCH?! What has become of me?

Silver Linings - A Series on Cancer Optimism

Number Three

The doctors have told me that I should keep my scars out of the sun for a year ... or better yet, two. I have scars on my chest, my back, my sides and my stomach. So, congratulations to all of you summer lovers out there. I will not be out celebrating the season in my bikini.

I see this silver lining as twofold.

One, I get to buy a new bathing suit. Two, you don't have to be subjected to the increasing bulge that used to be my stomach before I indulged in two months of gluttony and lethargy.

Everybody wins.

A Mixed Report

Bad News-

This morning, in an attempt to make myself useful around the house, I unloaded the dishwasher. Scott told me not to, but there was a dirty knife on the counter just begging to be cleaned and I certainly wasn't going to do it BY HAND! Anyway, I injured myself ... not from the knife, but from the stretching and lifting. Now, I can't raise my left arm up to my head. This, as we know, is much better than a month ago, when I wasn't allowed to use either arm. But, it still makes washing one's hair a more challenging experience. I suspect that my high and mighty refusal to take pain meds may have come to an end.

Good News-

My ob/gyn (who now is just my gyn, since I will no longer have any needs for his ob services) called this morning. He gave me the wonderful information that my ovaries, uterus and cervix passed all tests laid before them by the pathology team. Was that a bit too cryptic for you?

All is benign!

ALSO, he asked me if I've been keeping cool (referring, of course, to hot flashes.) I told him that, with the exception of some sadness, I haven't noticed any menopause symptoms. He said that if I wasn't experiencing them, yet, then chances are good that I won't have too many. So, keep your fingers crossed for that. I would do it, myself, but I plan to spend the afternoon in a lovely narcotic induced state of slumber.

It's Easter!

Hip, Hip Hoorblech.

You're supposed to be excited on Easter, what with the risen Christ, and all. I'm not. I was pretty happy this morning as Laila bounded into our bedroom, anticipating the thrill of searching for her basket. I was proud when she and I said a prayer thanking God for his son. I took great joy in watching my children eat chocolate carrots and jelly beans before breakfast. And I LOVED it when our families got together to take this picture.

It's the most awesome thing ever, right? We had to set the timer on the camera and hang it from the chandelier to get the shot. I was thinking of turning it into b&w and having someone brilliant hand all color the bracelets with Photoshop. (Bonnie?)

But, anyway, everyone's gone and now I'm all alone. My family took the kids to brunch with my aunts and uncles and grandfather. Mmm ... bacon and strawberries and french toast and hash browns. Scott's family is gathering for a delicious lunch. Even Scott is off enjoying himself at Menard's. And, I'm here. I'm about to watch The Break-Up while I have a bowl of popcorn and a diet coke, even though soda has been linked to pancreatic cancer. I like diet coke. Maybe later I'll do a puzzle.

It sounds like a nice relaxing day, doesn't it? But it's not a very good Easter.

So, why don't you tell me a story about something fun that happened during your Easter. I'll live vicariously through you.

Or, better yet ... tell me a story of something rotten that happened during your Easter and I'll laugh at your misfortune.

Maybe there was a family squabble? Maybe you accidentally dyed a raw egg and it broke and oozed all over someone's basket? Oooh, or maybe someone choked on a jello egg? (That happened in my family, once.)

Silver Linings - A Series on Cancer Optimism

Number Two

I suppose that I don't need my bottle of prenatal vitamins, anymore. Instead, I'll need some new variety of supplements.

I'm debating between Centrum Silver (to go along with the age that my menopausal body thinks it is) or Gummy Vites (because they're gummy and delicious.) Plus, I figured that the vitamins for kids might work in counterbalance with my geriatric age and equal out to somewhere closer to my chronological age of 34.

Also, they taste like candy.

Votes?

It's About Time

I figured that it's about time that I write a new post, lest you all start referring to me as "that girl who used to blog but then got too lazy."

But the thing is, I'm tired. I've been up for almost five hours in a row. Five hours! You're lucky that I'm even forming coherent sentences.

I'm home. I busted out of the hospital yesterday, mostly because the mattress and the leg pressure cuffs made me disgustingly hot. (And I don't mean good looking.) I just couldn't stand to be there, anymore. So, now I'm here.

The pain is manageable. In comparison to my first surgery (surge), this is a piece of cake. My abdomen is in a fair amount of discomfort, but I can wash my own hair and get out of bed without enlisting the help of anyone. So, that's pretty good. I suppose that if you were to just go in for a hysterectomy, it would seem like a pretty big deal. But, if you've recently had your back redirected to your front, pulling out a few organs that you aren't allowed to use, anyway, seems relatively minor.

Okay, well, enough of this awake nonsense.

Thanks for your prayers.

Liz