I don't feel like a person who fought cancer and won.
I don't feel like a person who had cancer in February and is better, now.
I feel like a person who has cancer.
I feel like a patient.
I feel exhausted and depressed.
Last week, I had six doctor's appointments.
My hair is falling out, even though I didn't have chemo.
My nipple reconstruction failed, even though I have not had radiation.
I had surgery three weeks ago and I'm still bleeding.
I have to wear an ugly hospital bra 24 hours a day to hold my new dressings in place.
My friends are having babies and I won't ever be able to have another one.
I have hot flashes and I'm only 34.
I can't sleep at night, between the anxiety and night sweats, even with my beloved Ambien.
My children want their "no-surgery Mommy" back.
Me too.
Stupid cancer.
10 comments:
I love you, Liz. And I hate cancer.
I love you Liz and I'm sorry that you are sad. I hope that things will look better for you soon. We all are thinking about you all the time and sending you love.
It breaks my heart to see you sad. I hate cancer for everything that it's stolen from you and pray that you'll feel whole again. Sending all the good vibes that only love and true friendship can muster and still expecting (although quite impatiently) miracles. Love you.
Hang in there, Liz! We're still praying for you...
This is a heartbreaking post. Wish there was something we could do or say, but unfortunately not only did the cancer start inside you, so, I think, must all the healing - physical and emotional.
You are strong, so very strong, even on the days you don't feel it. You're a great role model for your kids, a wonderful wife and a loving friend. You're having to live your life very deliberately these days, and I'm sure its terribly exhausting, but don't give up on yourself. You've got it in you to win - we all know it. Love you.
Stupid Cancer, Lovely Liz...
Oh Liz,
Seeing you in the hall at school this week spurred me to to check your site. After seeing how fabulous you looked at school, I expected funny, witty posts. I'm glad you have a place to be honest and share, but boy does it tug at my heart! I am so sorry that you are in such turmoil physically and emotionally. You may not see it, but you are strong and you win little battles every day. Pretty soon those little battles will add up to big ones and then they will add up to good days, then weeks, then months. You have come so far - keep focusing on that. I'll keep praying for strength, peace and HEALING for you.
Take care,
I hate cancer too...I think of you every day and continue to pray for miracles. Love you! ~mp
Dear Liz,
I am sorry that you are feeling sad and depressed. I hope and pray that you will feel better and that you will feel whole again. I think about you everyday. You are a strong, loving and wonderful woman. When I read your post today I thought of Eleanor Roosevelt's words, "You must do the thing you think you cannot do." This quote has helped me when I feel down.
Sending love your way and many prayers,
Colleen Barry
I wish I could cover you with good, warm feelings similar to the way Laila, Owen and I covered each other with vegetables.
Post a Comment